The ultimate thread to post anything, part 4

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thegirlwhoshotlibertyvalance		#441	[-]
Posts: 4440 (06/16/09 08:23) The Bookworm Moderator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	I'm not sure if the godfather option sounds so much better. If I was in your shoes I'd rather invest some money to share something very simple and small with some peers. I agree with you, it's not the best solution, but unless my parents are ready to help me out, it can't happen: I can't commit to paying a rent monthly as I never know how much I'm going to earn each month. I might be ok when I'm paid from a work placement, half a year, but I'd need financial help from my parents the rest of the year. For one thing, a flat owner would never let me stay in their flats unless I got my parents' financial back up! Still, you are right, I'll wait until my sister's boyfriend has gone so I can have a serious talk about it with my mum. Not comfy with serious talks with him around! I'm quite surprised your parents are allowing your sister's boyfriend live in their house. They practically lived together when my sister had her flat in Lille, so my parents don't mind... When I was 17, I had a boyfriend, and he wasn't allowed to sleep in my bedroom when he stayed over, he was to stay in the guest room - which I thought was normal, I was still very young. My sister will be 23 next August and she's been dating him for 2.5 years now, so my parents are ok with it. It all depends on what your views are on it - my grandparents on my mum's side would never have allowed this, my grandparents on my dad's side are more lenient. 'The only difference between lunacy and genius is timing.' http://ishotlibertyvalance.wordpress.com/ Last Edited By: thegirlwhoshotlibertyvalance 06/16/09 08:25. Edited 1 times.
Eva226		#442	[-]
Posts: 2266 (06/16/09 08:28) Rasko Leader Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	In Greece you are never too old to live with your parents! The tradition is quite different. A young adult can leave if they want to, but no one will ask them or feel they should. I still live with my parents. I could never afford a place of my own as the situation is now. Also, selfish or whatever, everything is ready for me. I don't have to clean or cook or take care of household things, I just help when I have the time. And I can walk in and out as I please. No one asks anything. It could very well be a hotel with extra amenities. So, no. Even though there are just a very few moments when I'd like to be alone, in fact I don't need or want to move out. Maybe I am still a child... Btw, I am the youngest child and as far as my father is concerned I am still a baby in this family. He can't rest unless he knows I've eaten! He even asks what I eat when they are away on holidays! My sister who is married with 2 kids has to suffer that too sometimes! We will ALWAYS be children for our parents. E.xxx "You won't like me when I am... hungry!"
cliftonalreadyexists		#443	[-]
Posts: 4663 (06/16/09 08:52) in her beautiful balloon Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Wow, Eva. Is this true? Yes, that's obviously a different tradition. I wonder whether there are any bonds connected with this? To stay in the house when they get old and needy? We must be still and still moving / Into another intensity
Eva226		#444	[-]
Posts: 2268 (06/16/09 09:25) Rasko Leader Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Family bonds are a very big thing in most Mediterranean countries. A child is never considered a "burden" or that it's been raised and now it should be in any way out of the picture. It's just a different mentality. E.xxx "You won't like me when I am... hungry!"
cliftonalreadyexists		#445	[-]
Posts: 4664 (06/16/09 10:22) in her beautiful balloon Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Does that mean that parents do never get "independent" again? And what about old age? I wonder in what other than a paternalist society this could work... We must be still and still moving / Into another intensity Last Edited By: cliftonalreadyexists 06/16/09 11:27. Edited 2 times.
Eva226		#446	[-]
Posts: 2269 (06/16/09 11:17) Rasko Leader Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	I don't know what you mean "independent"... Parents are free to do anything they wish for. Indepence is not defined by having their kid sharing a home with them. Staying home doesn't mean parents provide for you for ever. They just provide a roof. For instance, I give a small amount for rent every month. I pay my share of the phone bill/ internet. I pay my credit cards, my mobile, all my personal expenses really. My parents don't give me money, I've been independent in that aspect since I was 18 and started working. And you know, old age is the real advantage in this situation. Here in Greece it goes without saying that you have to take care of your parents when they are old (or too old to look after themselves). A nurshing home is most of the times out of the question. Married couples take them in, even provide for them. Like I said, family is the biggest bond and one is never "free" in that aspect, whether a parent or a child. It has both advantages and disadvantages, but the way I see it the former outscale the latter (and I am not talking about selfish comfort here). E.xxx "You won't like me when I am... hungry!"
Shammy the Bold		#447	[-]
Posts: 1835 (06/16/09 11:25) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Audrey, anything goes in the city I live in. Some children leave home at age 18 and never come back. This is not as common as those who go away to college but come back immediately after until they have enough money to move out on their own. Still, many stay until they get married, whatever that age may be. And this is the most common scenario...children move in and out of their parents' house all through their single lives depending on the economy. It is not odd to hear of children in their 30's or 40's moving back home with mom and dad, especially after divorce situations(with the grandchildren in tow). This actually is very helpful to the family in the sense that by the time children are in their 40's their parents could very well be in their 70's or older and they may enjoy the assistance of taking care of a home. The economy is so bad around here in this tri-state area, especially if you're talking about real estate...homes are not selling at all...bankruptcies, foreclosures abound....that I predict if it keeps up this way we will soon return to a time where married children and grandparents will all want to live under the same roof with the in-between generation just to save money. In-law suites are the answer....separate add-ons to the main house but everyone on the same property. It used to be this way at one time in America...three generations living together or in very close proximity... and as much as it doesn't say much for privacy and living one's life freely and independently I think this country lost a little something in the sense of prioritizing the family as the central unit, looking out for the elderly..respecting life at all stages whether it be infants or grandparents...everyone in the family looked out for each other. Things are so different now, it's more "everyone for themselves". Of course there are some toxic families where I can see you wouldn't want to all stay under one roof but you get my point. Audrey, ideally it would be great if you could go in on a place with friends. But if you can't, then be grateful that you have a happy, loving relationship with your parents...not all children have this. There will be a day when you will be off on your own permanently and this time in your life will be just a speck of sand in the big hourglass of your entire life on earth. Those of us who are older and have lost our parents...well, I can't say how much I would give to have them back just once more. Don't mean to make you or anybody sad, but cherish what you have right now...and I know you do. It's for a very short time but you don't realize it yet. To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven. (Ecclesiastes and The Byrds!)
cliftonalreadyexists		#448	[-]
Posts: 4665 (06/16/09 11:27) in her beautiful balloon Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	My parents' neighbouring town, Jüterbog, has three ancient gates. There are huge clubs on them and a saying: "He who gives the bread to his children while suffering from hunger himself afterwards should be killed by that club". (It rhymes in German) The background is the story of a poor but hard-working man who shared everything with his already grown-up children. When he became old they left him. The say that the city council put them there to warn all parents. It's from the 14th century. I can't tell you how often my father mentioned this saying! (Out of fun of course.) We must be still and still moving / Into another intensity
cliftonalreadyexists		#449	[-]
Posts: 4666 (06/16/09 11:32) in her beautiful balloon Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Eva, you're absolutely right, I just had a different impression after your first posting. Do you also help with the laundry and the cooking? We must be still and still moving / Into another intensity
Eva226		#450	[-]
Posts: 2270 (06/16/09 11:56) Rasko Leader Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	I can't lie, Clifton, I don't. I am too lazy, but I blame my mother really. If she absolutely refused to do it, I'd be obliged to! I handwash my bras and everything else goes into the family laudry... or the drycleaners Once we had a row (for something irrelevant) and she threatened to not iron my clothes, so I offered to pay her! I am always joking that the man I am going to marry must absolutely know how to iron my silk dresses. I hate ironing! Maybe, I didn't explain it in a good way, but I hope you don't all think that all Greek children are parasites! We are not really, we are quite adorable and cuddly! Joking aside, Shammy put it better... E.xxx "You won't like me when I am... hungry!"
thegirlwhoshotlibertyvalance		#451	[-]
Posts: 4441 (06/16/09 12:05) The Bookworm Moderator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Audrey, ideally it would be great if you could go in on a place with friends. But if you can't, then be grateful that you have a happy, loving relationship with your parents...not all children have this. There will be a day when you will be off on your own permanently and this time in your life will be just a speck of sand in the big hourglass of your entire life on earth. Those of us who are older and have lost our parents...well, I can't say how much I would give to have them back just once more. Don't mean to make you or anybody sad, but cherish what you have right now...and I know you do. It's for a very short time but you don't realize it yet. You're right, I know. My feelings towards leaving at my parents are like the tide, really: sometimes I'm quite happy with the situation, and sometimes I feel so smothered I need to lock myself up in my room (or get the hell out to Paris) because I need some air. I also get this when I'm with friends too much without time to myself, mind you Sometimes I feel like I'm a big ball of contradictive threads Or, to quote Whitman: Do I contradict myself? Very well, then, I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes I think I'll feel better when we're back being just the 5 of us. And I'll still be waiting for the day when I can have my own place and live my own life 'The only difference between lunacy and genius is timing.' http://ishotlibertyvalance.wordpress.com/
JasmineStill		#452	[-]
Posts: 8960 (06/16/09 12:50) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	I think Doulla was right when she said that it isn't good for one's development as an adult to continue to be "looked after" by one's parents. And I'm not suggesting that those who are able to live a fairly independent life under their parents' roof don't develop! It depends also on one's nature - people like Audrey and Eva are independent by spirit. But anyway Audrey, you plan to move out when you can - one can only have the life one wants when one can finance it! Worth being patient for. I'm interested in the discussion about looking after elderly parents, and not letting them go into a care home. All very pertinent so far as I'm concerned.
cyncat8		#453	[-]
Posts: 2116 (06/16/09 13:44) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Audrey, I can only share my experience and that of my peers...we all moved out to go to Uni at age 18. While we would return home at times, usually by year two we were sharing apartments or houses to rent and worked and studied in the town of Uni [returning home for Christmas break and such did continue to happen.]. When I graduated I rented my own apartment...worked...got accepted to grad. school and moved back to University town. Idid not have a lot of money but I took care of myself and paid for my education [scholarships, grants, loans combo]. Personally, I don't think a someone can fully be adult until they have taken on all these types of responsbilities....from paying rent or a mortgage to attending to the mundane day to day tasks of keeping up a home, life, etc. However, you live in Paris, a wee bit more expensive compared to Chapel Hill where I went to school. You have been on your own. You work and are pursuing an educational track you desire. I would say you are fortunate to have family that can provide a place for you to live and in time you will move out and will likely have to share a flat to make ends meet...you will appreciate things all the move I think..in the end. A friend of mine was in school until the age of 30. {she ended up with multiple degrees}...she lived on her own but her parents paid for everything. she was always aware that she was in a privileged situation and so made it her 'job' to do exceeding well in her studies.
thegirlwhoshotlibertyvalance		#454	[-]
Posts: 4442 (06/16/09 14:50) The Bookworm Moderator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Jas: I'm sure your parents appreciate that you give them so much of your time without having them go into a home. I know it's hard, even though you love them so much - my mum took great care of my gran before she left us. It was very demanding and tiring, but I think she wouldn't have had it any other way - and she'd rather have her still with us than gone. I hope your parents are both well. I realise I may sound like a spoiled brat - my apologies But sometimes it's good to have people put things in perspective for you! I'll try and make the best of the situation for now. And I do love my parents! I'm working on making things better with my dad - my mum told me that spending time with him was enough to make him happy and less grumpy. And she was right! We're watching Dexter together, and he's loving it. 'The only difference between lunacy and genius is timing.' http://ishotlibertyvalance.wordpress.com/
JasmineStill		#455	[-]
Posts: 8962 (06/16/09 16:02) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Thanks, Lib. The problem is that the time is approaching fast when we can't patch things up with regular visits and they may have to go into a home after all (or one of them might).
Betuska		#456	[-]
Posts: 250 (06/16/09 16:14) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	I'm interested in the discussion about looking after elderly parents, and not letting them go into a care home. All very pertinent so far as I'm concerned. I hear you on that Jasmine - very pertinent indeed. I am always looking for insights from others in the same position. I obviously don't know what the situation with your parents is but my mother is in her mid 80's and has in recent years developed problems walking due to diminished sense of balance and bad feet. However she is fiercely independent and is still taking the Long Island railroad herself, driving her car, food shopping and carrying the bags - I'm in awe a good deal of the time at what she's able to do and worried as well. If I didn't stop her, she'd be riding the subway and trying to climb the stairs. And because she insists on doing it all she has taken some spills on the pavement and in the house. I'm not comfortable saying no to her as it is her life afterall. But I have to do what is necessary to look out for her wellbeing. It's a totally new experience for me and I'm having growing pains. Nursing homes will not be an option when/if that time comes. She simply will not have it. So my brother and I do a lot for her and hope for the best. I'd be interested in knowing what your experience is. Feel free to pm me if you feel it's too personal for the board. Audrey: It's hard enough trying to forge your own identity living at home (you do sound like you're managing rather well despite the inconveniences) but having to put up with your sister's boyfriend living in the house - I can well understand how difficult that is. The house never seems quite big enough, right? That never happened in my household growing up. I wasn't allowed to close the door if I had a member of the opposite sex over to visit. The same with my brothers. My mother ruled with an iron hand but there was always sleep away camp during the summers. Last Edited By: Betuska 06/16/09 16:20. Edited 1 times.
Bluekygirl		#457	[-]
Posts: 867 (06/16/09 16:37) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	I'm interested in the discussion about looking after elderly parents, and not letting them go into a care home. All very pertinent so far as I'm concerned. Me, too. Traditionally, parents do not go into nursing homes in Appalachia. They are cared for by their children. My grandmother lived with us until she died. Now my brother lives close to them (and to an elderly aunt who has no children) and he has been the caretaker. That won't be possible much longer, so what to do about the old people is a big question in my life, made worse by the fact that I'd like to move away from KY. I feel pulled in all directions, and I don't know what to do. I can't go back to Appalachia to live (no work for me there), and I don't think my parents will go into a nursing home. Their upbringing makes that a hateful solution to them. Lib, you certainly don't sound like a spoiled child--just the opposite, in fact. Family issues are tough.
cliftonalreadyexists		#458	[-]
Posts: 4668 (06/16/09 17:02) in her beautiful balloon Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	I like the idea of "assisted living" once I'm a senior. Living independently in a flat in a community with arrangements that provide help in everyday tasks if you need them. Here a nursing insurance is compulsory for everyone - and once you're in need you can decide whether your children or such a community get the extra money. Edited to add: I pass a nursing home every day on my day to work. In the afternoons they display the lecturers and events that are being held there at night - which are open to the public. I wouldn't mind that nurseing home either. We must be still and still moving / Into another intensity Last Edited By: cliftonalreadyexists 06/16/09 17:09. Edited 1 times.
JasmineStill		#459	[-]
Posts: 8964 (06/17/09 09:23) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Beth, I will pm you about it, as soon as I'm out of this mountain of work! hopefully later today.
thegirlwhoshotlibertyvalance		#460	[-]
Posts: 4444 (06/17/09 09:26) The Bookworm Moderator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	The problem is that the time is approaching fast when we can't patch things up with regular visits and they may have to go into a home after all (or one of them might). I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you find a solution that will make things the best they can for all of you. It must be so hard to see your parents getting old and not being able to look after themselves, when they were the steadiest thing in your life when you were little. Living independently in a flat in a community with arrangements that provide help in everyday tasks if you need them. My uncle is maître d' in such a place. I think it's quite a good idea too. They even can get medical assistance if needed. My uncle works in the restaurant, the elderly people can use it if they don't want to cook (they have kitchenette in their flats) or if they want to invite people over. My mum is starting to think on solutions... My brother is starting med school next September, doesn't which Uni he'll go to yet... when he finds out, if it's too far a distance to travel daily, my parents might get us a flat to share in Paris, half way between his Uni and mine. I'd love that, living with my brother! 'The only difference between lunacy and genius is timing.' http://ishotlibertyvalance.wordpress.com/

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The ultimate thread to post anything, part 4

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